Am I being unreasonable? (Regarding hearing loss and parents)?

Question

Am I being unreasonable? (Regarding hearing loss and parents)?

Answer 1

No way are you being unreasonable. You are reasonableness personified ! The unreasonable people are your parents and your teachers. Shame on them.



You are obviously very clever, but that doesn't mean that your dads 'way' is working. Being clever isn't the goal. Making the most of what you've got is the goal. Reaching your potential is the most important thing. How can you do that if you can't hear the TV, or follow conversations? Allowances HAVE to be made for you.



I've tried for many years to guess what is being said at meetings, on TV, videos etc, and it's just not possible. You can tell from someones expression how serious the subject matter is and so when to laugh, smile, frown etc, in order to appear to fit in, but you have no way of knowing if they are talking about nuclear fusion how to bake a cake.



I'm deaf. I have been since birth, but I got by at school somehow, as it wasn't as bad then (my deafness). I got sympathy from my parents but nothing else. I got no help at all at school, mainly because I didn't ask. In fact I did my best to hide my hearing loss, even deny it. It has taken 40 years for me to openly talk about it. I have had serious issues with coming to terms with it.



You don't seem to have that problem. I wish I'd discussed it when I was your age, asked for help, and reached my potential. Instead I've under achieved and wasted my life. Don't let that happen to you. Ask for help, tell them what you need, what works and what doesn't, don't give up. Ask for subtitles, they are legally obliged (I'm sure) to provide whatever you need to get through school successfully.



Maybe it's time for you stop be patient, and so damned reasonable!



I wish you the very best.

Answer 2

I totally understand you. My dad does not actually communicate with me; I go by as much as I could grasp of what’s going on around me. Like you, my mom always says “what?” The family and I do not talk much, I was a loner. My brothers can fingerspell swell but only gives me information I need to understand what they expect me to do, we never actually bind as a family. I miss not having this.



I did not have closed captioned TV, no phones were offered for me at home or anything that I could have accessed to help me be independent. Now that I am in college, I have so much that makes my life complete!



As a matter of fact; with being involved with the deaf community and hard of hearing friends here at college, let me say this.. try looking up your State Commission for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing on the internet, just type your State then add “Commission for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing” then it shall be right on your screen in front of you (For example, if you’re from Alabama, type this: Alabama Commission for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing).



Browse it over and look up different accesses for the deaf and hard of hearing that may interest you or you could even contact them by emailing or calling them up about better accesses you need.



If you want you could have someone at school such as counselors or some teachers that you trust who could help you with all this. Now that you’re almost graduating soon! Someone should met with you already about your college plans, tell them your problem and they’ll help you (I’ve provided resources below) and they can help you be prepared by the time you get to college too!





You can get more information by going into National Association of the Deaf website (Hard of Hearing is included):



http://www.nad.org/

(Just to let you know, NAD just had their 50th Biennial Conference at Philadelphia, PA, you’ll find news about this on the site too)





Your State Association of the Deaf can be found here:



http://www.nad.org/community/state-association-affiliates





National Association of the Deaf Youth Leadership Camp (YLC), pretty popular amongst young deaf adults!:



http://www.nad.org/youth-leadership-programs/nad-youth-leadership-camp-ylc





And Junior NAD:



http://www.nad.org/junior-nad





If you’re interested about YLC or Jr. NAD or even both! You can contact your State Association to help you enter! Again if you feel you’re not sure how to get through these, have one of your teachers or counselors at school help you!



Don’t forget to contact your State Commission! From here you will find varieties of accesses you could take advantage of!



Take it from me, don’t wait or you will deeply regret it. It takes a lot of effort to get what you want/need, good luck!

Answer 3

You are not being selfish or overreacting at all.

You have every right to feel this way.



Your Parents should be ashamed of themselves. Subtitles are to make lives easier for people with hearing loss. What's the big problem with making your life just a little easier? Does he want everything to be a battle for you?



No, you have to stand your ground on this. After all, you are the one living with it and you must do whatever is easiest for you.



I use a wheelchair. If I didn't have a wheelchair my life would be a lot harder. We all need things in life. Even people without Disabilities need things to make their lives easier, such as cars or shopping trolleys in the supermarket for example.



Next time he goes on at you, just stare him right in the eyes and remind him how lucky he is to have full hearing and that you will do what you like if it makes your life easier to live.



Good luck, I wish you the very best.

Answer 4

Of course you're not being unreasonable. I hear very well, but closed captioning is a blessing and I wouldn't watch a movie without it. Your parents are the ones who are closed minded.

Answer 5

yeah i feel your pain! and its a bi t ch! i'm kind of in a similar situation except i have more of a mental/social disability rather than physical. just find friends that won't care about stuff like that and that'll actually love and accept you for who you are. i also live in a world where i can't really tell people about my problem. but i still found people that loved and accepted me regardless. i even told them about my problem and they were cool about it. and if even your parents are being a pain in the a**about it, then they're not really the world's greatest parents. but you just gotta ignore those insults and be confident in yourself(love and accept yourself, even if no one else does)! u don't deserve that crap from anyone so keep telling yourself that and also tell them that! if someone's trying to insult you when you don't have your hearing aids on, then great cuz you don't have to listen to their bullshit and if you read lips just don't read theirs! and if they're being douchebags about you not listening to them when they're talking, especially if they're aware of your hearing disability, then well, it's not your fault that they're being morons and thinking that u could hear them so tell them that, especially if they're talking to you while they have your hearing aids in their hands, so when they laugh at you and stuff, just think that the jokes actually on them, not you! i seriously do feel your pain and i feel for you! but just be confident in yourself and believe that you're awesome and other people will too! i've made friends that still love me, so i'm sure you can too!

Answer 6

I have hearing loss, I wasn't born with it but have this disease called Morquio, which means my hearing has decreased. I also have tinnitus (my ears whistles constantly) and I know my Mum can sort of understand but she will never be able to completely understand. I use little behind the ear hearing aids, I go to the cinema a lot and because I'm at the front can usually hear what they are saying, The TV is always turned up really loud and I won't watch anything without subtitles. I would go easy on your parents, it might be hard for them to completely understand but they're probably trying to understand. I know it can be frustrating - if I had a penny for every time I wanted to just scream out, I would be a billionaire by now.

Because of my hearing loss, I can pretend not to hear someone! Just try and stay calm, maybe read a bit or whatever and think of how they couldn't do what you have to do everyday!

Answer 7

I'm guessing have at least some degree of hearing, otherwise you wouldn't have a need for hearing aids. Perhaps your dad feels that hearing is an "all or nothing" thing where either you can hear or you cannot, which of course it isn't as there are different degrees of hearing loss. I've always assumed that it was common knowledge, but apparently it's not. You're not being unreasonable.

Answer 8

People suck. Your disability isn't a loud one as I like to say. A lot of peoples aren't. You have a right to feel the way you feel!You are not selfish for having your own opinions. You are being completely reasonable

Answer 9

I too have a hearing loss, and I'm only a year younger than you.

You do not have a disability. I'm sorry, but you don't.

You are not being unreasonable. I understand that it can be very frustrating when people don't understand that you can't hear them. But I have to question how much you're explaining to your teachers. No educator in their right minds would do that to a student. I suggest you stand up to them and let them know that you have a hearing loss and that sometimes it's hard for you to understand them. You may assume that they know but they may not.

Although you say you keep your real emotions at bay I advise you do not. Let your father know how you feel. If he wears glasses take them from him one day and ask him to read something, then when he can't criticize him for it and tell him he just needs to practice more. Tell him this is how you feel when talks to you.

If all else fails talk to your school guidance counselor.

A hearing loss isn't a big deal. It's just like having glasses.

Answer 10

You are clearly a very intelligent young person. The oralist tradition has clearly done you very well to a point.



Do you go to your IEP sessions? You need to be demanding that the videos in school are captioned or you are provided with a script. You need to ask that instructions for work that are provided orally are also provided to you in writing. You can do this. You can also request an IEP at the beginning of the school year if one is not planned. It is YOUR right.



People yell, because some people can hear who are deaf, so yelling can help those people. Why your audiologist would do this, I cannot understand.



Parents sometimes cannot face the idea that they gave birth to disabled children. If they think their children can somehow pass in the world as nondisabled they think that is better. I was born with a disability, but thought I was just clumsy and stupid. I was 30 before I realized that I wasn't and that I had numerous related minor disabilities. It was another 15 years before my parents could think of me as disabled. It creates tremendous problems with self-esteem when you imagine if you only tried harder it would be better. Trying harder will not make you less deaf. You might be able to lip read better, but people who do not lip read have no idea how often what is said on TV/in the movies doesn't precisely match what you hear.



I suggest you start keeping a list of things that help you learn. Some you already use and some you wish were available. Why? Because college is not so far off and it will be you and a disability services office that will establish what you need to be successful in college. They will most likely have experience, but your experience is what is most valuable. These are some things people who are deaf traditionally ask for to be successful in school:



Captioned videos or an available script

Note taker during class

Assistive listening

Record class sessions

Class assignments and instructions provided in writing

Oral tests provided in writing

Sign language interpreter in class

Not be marked down for not participating in oral class activities/ given alternative assignments (ex a small group discussion that presents to the class as a whole)

Be given alternative assignment when they are too oral language focused (ex have to tape record an interview of a WW2 Vet - instead video tape or do an email interview)

Sit in front of the class if seating is assigned

CART (computer aided real-time translation)



Can request that the professors

-do not talk when not facing away from the students

-do not stand near bright windows

-point to a student who asks a questions in a large group and/or repeat all questions

-do not eat or chew gum while speaking

- do not cover face when speaking



Some of these things can be provided more easily than others. And some can be created in unusual creative ways. Ex. I know someone who had a laptop in class as did another student. They were both on instant message. The hearing student typed their notes into the instant message. The deaf student read along. The deaf student could also ask questions via instant message and the hearing student might know the answer. This is an inexpensive alternative to CART.

Answer 11

Oh, I feel so sorry for you. It must be awful not being able to hear, can you use a hearing aid to hear though?



And I don't think your being unreasonable at all! These other people you talk about sound as though they have full use of all there senses, so they have nothing to worry about, it's not hard just to put on subtitles or do the extra thing to help someone with your disability. I don't know why some people are so selfish and ignorant. If they don't try to understand, then just don't bother with them.