I became disabled. Now I feel useless & depressed. Is this normal?

Question

I started college 4 years ago, to get my Bachelors Degree. Things were great and I had so many ideas for what I wanted to do with my life when I graduated. I had multiple job offers lined up for when I graduated. My family was proud, my spouse was relying on me to finally get a good job.


But near the end of my degree, I started having lots of physical problems. I was seeing doctors regularly. Long story short, I was diagnosed with MS, as well as a bone degenerative condition. This caused me to develop horrible anxiety of course. My doctors told me I couldn't work, let alone stand for more than an hour a day. I was told to file for disability, which I did.

I finished the rest of my degree by taking online courses. I graduated with my Bachelors.

But now I am starting to feel EXTREMELY depressed. I feel like I am a prisoner in my own body, and that my disabilities are keeping me from doing the things I hoped to do. I now can't work, let alone get out of bed some days. My spouse is the only bread-winner now. I take 15+ medications a day. I feel like a burden. Some tell me to find hobbies, but even that is difficult considering I am in pain every day and have a hard time just walking sometimes. I have never felt this depressed, hopeless, and useless before. I feel like I let everyone down, including myself. Am I supposed to live the rest of my life just sitting at home?

I don't really know what I am asking you all here. Maybe some advice? Maybe if anyone else has a personal story to share to help me feel better? Anything?

Thank you.

Answer 1

First, I'm sorry you got such large lies and cruel answers to your question. (I've reported them.)



Second, the first thing I did when it slowly dawned on me that I would be living in chronic pain the rest of my life was to read books that taught me how to live with chronic pain. I can give you the shortened-condensed version--occupy your mind with something that makes you think past yourself. (I read five books to get all that. lol)



Not a hobby as much as a lifestyle change. No, anxiety isn't a natural outcome of learning all you learned about what's wrong with you. That's the natural outcome of focusing on what's physically wrong with you. So is depression.



Occupying your brain does something pretty cool. It lowers pain levels--both physical and mental pain. Pick something you can do that occupies your brain. That can be anything from taking courses (and some are offered for free online), to donate your abilities to a charity (sounds impossible if you're stuck in bed, but I've helped a charity online, whose mission was to collect information on other charities as a one-stop location to find the others, by contacting all the charities on their site to see if they were still around and see what they'd like updated on what they do, so it is possible, even stuck in bed), or decide to learn something that can help you make money and then do that, (creating a website, and then getting it on the top of the SERPs--search engine result pages--can make you residual money through renting ad space, or you can go for what I'm doing--writing a novel knowing it will take me years to make it publishable, but once there, I can make roughly a $3000 advance, and, if I promote it well enough, it can give me royalties.)



Yes, learning your planned life disappeared is depressing. Being in pain and steadily getting weaker is depressing. You can feel depressed and anxious for the rest of your long life or you can do something to redefine your life, so it's not depressing. It's entirely up to you where you want to go from here.



One thing being weak and in pain affords us that most people never get--time to figure out how to make time work for us, not the other way around.

Answer 2

MS is not fatal, at least not immediately so. Most people live many long years with MS.



Something I read a long time ago might help.....



Having a child with Down syndrome (or acquiring any kind of chronic disease is like boarding a plane to go to Italy. You prepare to go to Italy, learn a little Italian, buy guidebooks for Italy, get on the plane to Italy, but you end up in Holland. At first all you can only think about how disappointed you are. And then you realize that Holland is different, but Holland has wonderful things about it too.



I'm not saying having MS is wonderful, but it may give you opportunities to do things with your life you hadn't thought about. Try hard to rewrite your plans and not think that the only success you have is if you fulfill your previous plans.



Also be patient and gentle with yourself. You have had a major crisis. You can allow yourself to just be for awhile. It is also OK to decide you are depressed and need some help from a psychiatric medication for awhile. Life is not always kind, but you may discover some silver lining to this.

Answer 3

I think that depression is normal in a situation like the one you find yourself in. After heart surgery, it took me almost a year before I was able to snap out of it. If you can, perhaps it's time to re-assess the abilities you have left and how to integrate them with the skills you have acquired during your education. Can what you studied be done from a sedentary place. The nature of MS is that there are situations where months of remission are possible and there are situations where the condition is very aggressive. Don't rely only on conventional medicine. There are probably holistic things you can do to relieve symptoms as well. Fight, but fight smart! Perhaps if you get your fight on, it will supplant some if not all of your depression.

Answer 4

Yes, it is 100% normal.



I have recently found myself to be in a similar situation and I keep asking "why me? what did I do to deserve this? I would do *anything* to be able to walk again" - that kind of thinking.



I then joined an internet support group. They were warm, wonderful people but after being there for a couple of weeks, I got even MORE depressed so I quit going. But now I feel very much alone again so I will be going back.



I don't have the answer. I don't know if anyone does. All I can do is wish you the best, and yes, you are normal.

Answer 5

I'm mostly housebound as well. For hobbies I bake things, I will make choc chip muffins tomorrow. Sometimes I make cheesecake, chocolate cakes, that kind of thing. Sometimes I paint as well, although it takes a long time to complete one painting nicely, if I do it fast it will just be rubbish. My cat is my constant companion, he's about 3 years old. This morning I woke up, didn't feel like getting up, and he came to lie against my stomach, so we both just fell asleep.



Honestly I'm not going to tell you your life is easy, or that you should just snap out of it. I don't have MS so I can't know exactly what you're going through medically. But its hard for me to be at home all the time as well, I know how it is, and I know the neighbors talk, they know full well I sit in my home almost every day, they aren't stupid. But I try to stay positive, I always keep hope alive that things will change for me.

Answer 6

I fully understand where you are coming from. I suffer from serious Bipolar Disorder and I am too not aloud to work either. I just keep doing degrees and short courses to keep myself occupied. I always feel like I am a prisoner in my own body. You haven't let anyone down, you should be proud of yourself, you completed your degree with it and as such thats an achievement and a defiance of the odds.



Step 1 is accepting it and understanding that there is nothing you could of done to prevent it and nothing you can do about it now.



Step 2 is to find something you are passionate about, maybe painting, photography.... Something like that. A hobby that you can actively manage just for recreation, maybe you could sell them or something if you have a particular artistic talent.



Step 3 is to try and make the most of your time. With me, I could have an episode of mania or depression with symptoms so bad that they become life threatening. Death is just another part of life, however you have to make the most of it with the situation you are in. Maybe do the things you have always wanted to do, a bucket list or a to do list is a really good idea, set yourself goals and targets.



I really hope everything works out for you. Its a pain in the *** but its not your fault, don't ever blame yourself for it. Make the most of what you do have, occupy your time and try and find some inner peace... If all else fails turn to porn, its got me through so many low moments ;) ha



P.S: Ignore those C*nts above, they are clearly trolling you and it would appear they don't work either as they somehow find the time to be in Yahoo answers giving stupid answers to a question they clearly don't understand.

Answer 7

Some sympathy, but more empathy from my side ;) being disabled as well with 6 brain injuries and loss of a lot of potential for new careers i wanted. Seizures, loss of visual processing, writing and motor function right hand all made impact with finishing my bachelors, and now have not been able to with 85 credits sitting in human services field. No police science, radio, human services field not being able to complete college with reading, writing and absence seizures messing it all up. I am so bored with not having too much family for support or friends and dying to find not a hobby, but get out in the community if not as a paid employee but as a volunteer, which i am finding it hard to see any here in the city.



My best to your spouse and finding a hobby as so many people like to suggest here i see. I envy you having support from someone close and you love. No family and lost few friends I had with having to relocate and now I am pulling hair out. UUghhhh ! *smile*



Keep a smile and look over at your loved ones there for you. I am all alone but fighting to not give up and just keeping positive mind something will come along when I least expect it. Depression does hit me periodically lately but do my best to stop and just say a bit too myself about the power of positive thinking and set a few goals on list to try and accomplish. I am waiting to hear from local senior center who listed need for volunteers and the city with some of their public work. Feel like i am helping someone and doing something with my life with disabilities having shot a lot of ideas down i had for career and with my life, and no family or friends anymore for support which is most valuable thing i envy people who have them ! ;) So this weeks goal with this weekends depression ? Call centers again and knock on door to let them know i am here and available willing to help. Go out next weekend in this new city and make some new friends I hope as well with being so all alone in new city now that college ceased.



THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING ! or i probably would have went suicidal a few times in the last 14 months. Look over at your spouse, family and friends with a big smile and remember care, love and support.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

the only thing I can say is live every day like it was your last. I know its hard to do but life is short and even being a healthy person its hard to make friends and enjoy yourself. so.....see if there are programs or groups to join. take an art class or make a list of things to do... even if its hard......I lost a friend last month...he was a kick boxer and owned a gym.........one day he started showing signs of brain damage and died 4 years later really sad.........I tell people work less ........be nice......show kindness.......I turned 50....I look young ...but I feel that time is running out........and its sad....so..........never ever give up

Answer 10

I have a friend with MS and she does take tablets for depression too. you may as well find things you enjoy take a walking aid or wheelchair or scooter to have a life. Visit an art gallery or musical see a movie. Enjoy summer swimming. Ride a tricycle.



One of the Australian Paralympic cyclist won gold racing on a tricycle.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRZkT4hZQ9Q



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axfA8wJejvI

Answer 11

consider alternative forms of healing to mitigate your symptoms (reiki, accupuncture, reflexology etc)... don't be too hard on yourself (for real!) take it one day at a time...find things to be truly grateful for and focus on those... stay in contact with a strong support group of friends and family