The words "special needs" in itself is not wrong. I agree with you however, that it does sound "too PC and sugar coated". But it really depends on the context to which the words is being applied to. Many people do use it but in some circles it is becoming less common.
Personally, if I were to describe you to someone else - I would just say "She has ADD and needs extra support" rather than "she has special needs". The words "special needs" implies you are dependent - as you said.
BUT.. I would not EVER consider you to have a "disability".
"Learning difficulty" or learning deficit" perhaps, but NOT a disability.
Language is a powerful thing and the words we use can convey different messages and ideas. Use the right words and it dignifies the person and raise the status of their value in society.
I have an excellent document about this very subject but I can not find the link to it at the moment. But the one below is quite a reasonable one for resources in use of appropriate language when dealing with disability. http://www.equity.uts.edu.au/policy/language/ablist.html
EDIT: FOUND IT!!! here is the link. It is a PDF file and you can print it out as a booklet form.
http://www.addc.org.au/webdocs/Disability%20Advocacy/Manuals/DHS_GUIDE_Communicating%20with%20people%20with%20disabilities_2005.pdf
and another one..
http://www.disability.qld.gov.au/community_involv/communication/way_words/language.html